Change For A Nickel

It’s 4am and I’m thanking God I woke up. I just had the most surreal dream EVER. The craziness all started when I was trying to get to my apartment which was in a high rise building. There were four elevators but the first two I got on did not have a button for my floor. I jumped on the third elevator and it didn’t have a button for my floor either. Unfortunately I didn’t get off before the door closed. There was another man on the elevator. It shot up like a rocket then started moving sideways. At one point we were traveling along a river. It appeared to be somewhere in Asia with sunken statues in the water. Suddenly I was in my apartment but there was a strange man sitting in my living room watching TV. I believe he was former military or a secret agent. He wouldn’t say. He began telling me that there was something wrong with my military records. Apparently I was still in the service.

Now here is where it just get’s plain fucked up! His girlfriend was also there. She was a full size muppet with one eye like a cyclops. She made dinner and everything was candy or sweet on top of sweet. There were leaks of some blue substance like fabric softener in the bathroom and the cats were balanced on the shower curtain rod and wouldn’t come down. Another woman walked in that was about 3 feet tall with a head shaped like a trapezoid. Another man walked in who reminded me of Hagrid from Harry Potter but very scary looking. No one would leave and I couldn’t find the elevator to leave. The last person to enter was a cute normal looking guy. While I was talking to him he opened his mouth and the whole thing was made of metal. Like steel teeth and tongue! There was also a separate dream where I was talking to my dad on the phone and watching a man across the street blow human full color images of famous people with cigar smoke. Then I woke up!

I don’t know what other people normally dream but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that is NOT my normal type of dream! It scared the crap out of me. I thought I had gone insane! Usually I dream about boring stuff, me flying or on the Starship Enterprise with captain Piccard. It is often said that dreams can be induced by what you consumed prior to sleep. So I’ve narrowed it down to some chocolates my friend Rob brought back from his last trip to Europe or 2 glasses of Casillero del Diablo Cabernet Sauvignon (2005). Either way, I’m not touching either any time soon! If I keep dreaming like that I will check myself into a mental institution!